Sometimes... (an emotional rant of an aging twentysomething)

Sometimes... just sometimes, it gets lonely. I'm not gonna pretend life is perfect, all fine and dandy and stuff. Life isn't perfect. It has never been, because we're on our way to so much more. But for the here and now, it can get tough.

I've never really expressed this side of me, with regards to life in church. It's not like I don't have friends. It's not like everyone hates me (please Lord, I really hope they don't!). But there are sometimes when you just feel all alone in a crowd.

I don't think it'd be totally wrong to say that, where I am, I don't have many peers. Most of my friends are either OLDER than me (sometimes quite significantly... right Andrew? Hence, the propect of having to possibly wait 11 years to get married is something I sometimes I shudder at), or YOUNGER than me (by no small amount sometimes). The rest have either left church or are caught up in the world. Others maybe have a group of Godly brothers & sisters to fall back on out of church. I don't.

While having friends of all ages (literally, imagine from Nathan to ANDREW!... haha) is something that I've truly appreciated and cherished about church life and the Body of Christ (I never thought I'd have such a wide spectrum of friends back in my secondary school/JC days), sometimes you need your peers too: people your age, at a similar stage of life to be able to relate to the same journeys/struggles you go through. Much as I love my friends, who are mostly younger, and much as I love sharing stuff with them as well, I can't expect them to really understand where I'm coming from at times.

Many have left church over the years, and people around my age... there aren't many left. If there are, they're probably girls. I do try get to know everyone around as best as I can, never satisfied with the satus quo, always willing to go deeper. Many times things don't work the way I'd like, and I get disappointed. But I need to find my comfort in Him, trusting that in Him I will find that which I seek, in His time. Many times I tend to rush things, rush friendships, rush relationships, not willing to make home where He has placed me for the moment (this is quite important for those of us following God in our lives, look at the lives of Abraham & Moses... ). I need to trust in His grace.

Where are the friends? Who are my friends? Sometimes it's not so easy to tell. Sometimes you don't really know. But I shall learn... I will learn... to trust in His grace... to be able to declare that "my portion is Him, and I'm more than blessed..."

To those of you who have been there for me, and who will continue to be there for me, in Him, I thank you...